DON’T DISCUSS MUCH
In a scenario where both people realise that the relationship is heading nowhere, a break-up will come as a relief. But in a case that is otherwise, it is the duty of the one moving on to accept blame. Keep talking about how the relationship has no future or how it has lost its charm without blaming the person or accusing him/her.
KEEP REPEATING IT
The other person is likely to talk about how ‘we had a good time the other day’ etc. Agree with her/him, but talk about how the good times are few and farther away in frequency. Keep the focus on ‘now’ and ‘I’. How ‘you’ feel differently ‘now’ or how ‘your’ needs have changed.
Any other discussion will lead to counter accusations and escalate into anger. In case it does, having a neutral party helps as they will bring the conversation back on track. It is important that you don’t dent the self-esteem of the other person by picking personality flaws. In the same vein, don’t blame parents or interfering friends.
And above all, don’t get angry. It is expected that the person still emotionally involved will be hurt and resort to anger and emotional blackmail. But the other should stand firm in the decision. Don't waver and go back again and again as this will unnecessarily prolong the end and make the other person feel like he/she is being used. Every time your partner wants to talk about why you’re breaking up, repeat your stand even at the risk of being crude.
Hopefully by the next morning, your partner will begin to see the light.
BREAK IT GENTLY
If the girlfriend/boyfriend is excessively emotionally dependent on you, you can cut off ties gradually. While informing them that the relationship is over, reinforce that you will always be friends and that you can be depended upon in the time of need.
In extreme cases, you may need to put space in between you. Saying that you need your space before announcing the break-up will also help prepare ground. But remember to actually reduce your interactions if you want to send out the right signals.
After the break up, call up once in a while to check how they are doing. But make the agreement contractual. In case you can’t speak when they call, promise to call back at a more convenient hour and keep your word. Make the calls less frequent as time goes by.
Avoiding calls or making excuses will again open the door for accusations and fights.
WHEN SMS-ING IS NECESSARY
The method of SMS can be used when all other lines of communication broke down. Her ex avoided her calls and postponed all plans of conversation, she finally sent him an SMS saying it was over.
EXPERTSPEAK
• Sometimes, a person has moved on but is afraid of telling the partner and taking responsibility for his/her actions or of the emotional consequences.The person may then act in an offensive manner to drive the partner to take the final step and absolve him/herself of blame.
• Sometimes it is necessary to end a relationship abruptly and impersonally. Especially if the other person is clingy and talking has not lead to anything but emotional outbursts.
Source : TNN
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